My grandma…
When I was a child, I lived with my paternal grandma until I reached 10 years old. When I was in standard 4, my whole family transferred to our own house, left her alone at her house. We did ask her to stay with us, but she refused. However, my dad would send one of my siblings to stay with her during the weekend to accompany her. And, it was usually my younger brother, Fahmi, her most lovable grandchildren.
What I like about her the most was her cooking. She was a very good cooker. All of her cookeries taste so good. Not only that, it also had nice smell which can stimulate ur appetite. And the most important thing, she really loved to cook for her grandchildren. She can use the left food as an ingredient to cook for another cooking. And, it taste great.
Besides, she liked to give us money as a present for the work that we did such as sweeping the courtyard, buying the food at night market, etc. And, because of that, she was always be scolded by my dad for pampering us too much. When she went to the shop, she can easily be persuaded by us to buy the junk food that we wanted.
Around ten years ago, she developed left hemiplegia. My uncle brought her to his house to take care of her since she was unable to move by her own anymore. But, she was still able to talk and eat. She didn’t have any heart problem. But she had hypertension and diabetes mellitus and that’s make her vulnerable to get the stroke. Since then, I was not so close with her anymore. Besides, I started my secondary school at the boarding school in which I rarely came back home. I usually visited her during semester break or during Hari Raya.
Later, she developed vascular dementia. She was unable to recognize none of her grandchildren. She can only remember her children. Hence, it made me getting far and far away from her.
Last months, she developed right hemiplegia. With that second attack, she lost her ability to speak. Currently, she was not able to eat normally like before and had to use nasogastric tube for the feeding.
Last week, I went back home and visited her at my uncle’s house. After my mum was sick, I haven’t visited her for such long time. The last time I visited her was during the last Hari Raya. Eventhough she had been sick for a long time, I still felt sad upon seeing her. She was so thin. She didn’t look like the grandma that I used to stay and talk with anymore. I miss her old self so much.
For the first time since she was sick, I talked a lot with her as if she was still healthy and normal. I apologized to her for not being able to take care of her despite she really took care of me when I was a child. If I had the capability, I really want her to stay with me so that I will be able to take care of her. Based on her current condition, I knew she didn’t have so much time left. She would leave us anytime from now. And, I knew I would miss her later.
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Sewaktu bgn Subuh pagi td, aku mendapat berita yg nenekku telah pulang ke rahmatullah pd pukul 1 lebih pg td. Ada sedikit rasa terkejut dan seakan bermimpi apabila mendapat tahu berita tu. Segar rasanya mata walhal sebelum tu aku terasa sgt mengantuk. Tidak ada yg lain di fikiranku ketika itu kecuali rasa ingin pulang ke rumah secepat yg mungkin. Aku diberitahu yg jenazah akan dikebumikan selepas zohor.
Aku x tahu mcm mana nak menghadapinya kerana nilah kali pertama aku kematian ahli keluarga terdekat. Sebelum ni, aku tidak penah merasai kehilangan ahli keluarga ku yg terdekat. Tipu la kalo aku kata aku x sedih langsung. Walaupun aku dah prepare, perasaan sedih tu tetap ada walaupun sedikit. Especially bile aku x dpt balik utk menatap wajahnya buat kali terakhir. Sewaktu ke stesen pg td, aku mendapat tahu semua tiket ke Trg utk hari ni telah abis dijual. Yg ada hanya tiket pd esok hari shj. Aku cuba gak cari tiket ke KB, tp sama aje. Semuanya licin gak. Bukan aku je yg xleh balik. Ami pun sama. Tiket dr KK ke KT sumenya abis dijual. Ana pun sama jgk. Tp, dia lebih bernasib baik kerana boleh menaiki bas lompat.
Kalo diikutkan hati, aku teringin sgt nak tgk wajah dia sebelum dia dikafankan sebab aku tahu aku dah x berpeluang lagi menatap wajahnya selepas ini. Kalo boleh, aku nak savekan wajahnya dlm ingatanku supaya aku tidak akan pernah lupa pdnya. Sekurang2nya, bile aku teringatkan dia, aku boleh open file tu bila2 masa.
Sebenarnya sebaik sahaja mendengar berita dia terkena 2nd stroke dan setelah melihat sendiri keadaanya, hati kecilku sudah terasa bahawa dia akan pergi tidak lama lagi. Namun, aku tidak menyangka secepat ini. Rasanya mcm baru semalam aku menziarahinya. Patutla keinginan aku utk balik ke rumah sungguh kuat semalam. Kalo nak diikutkan, aku nak je balik dgn Aima walaupun case write up x siap lagi. Tp, bile pikirkan balik, baik aku siapkan case write up dulu supaya tenang skit nak balik umah. Tak sangka plak rupa2nya ada perkara lain yg menunggu. Terdetik rasa menyesal di hatiku kerana x mengikut dia balik semalam. Dan terdetik rasa menyesal di hatiku kerana menangguhkan keje. Inilah akibatnya….Kalo x, tentu aku dah boleh balik dgn Aima semalam dan tentu aku berkesempatan melihat wajahnya sebelum dia dikafankan…..
Nasib baik la aku sempat jupe dia 2 minggu lepas masa aku balik umah. So, xdela aku terkilan sgt. Patutla aku terasa mcm nak berborak dgn dia ari tu. Tetiba je teringat waktu dia sihat dulu. Walaupun aku tahu dia dah xleh bercakap dah dan walaupun aku tahu yg dia dah x ingat lagi, aku tetap berborak dgn dia. Patutla aku beria2 meminta maaf dgn dia ari tu. Minta maaf kerana dah lama x jenguk dia sejak ma sakit. Minta maaf kerana aku x penah berkesempatan menjaga dia sejak dia sakit. Patutla setelah sekian lama dia sakit, aku baru terasa nak memohon dihalalkan makan dan minum ku selama ni. Rupa2nya, tu adalah kali terakhir aku berjumpa dgnnya. Rupa2nya tu la kali terakhir aku bercakap dan melihat wajahnya…..
Sebenarnya sejak dia sakit, tu la kali pertama aku terasa rapat kembali dgnnya. Aku seolah2 tersedar drp mimpi yg tanpa aku sedari aku dah lama melupakannya. Dan, aku seolah2 terkejut drp lena yg pjg bahawa selama ini aku tidak pernah mendoakannya. Aku tidak penah lupa utk mendoakan kedua ibu bapaku, tapi aku tidak penah teringat utk mendoakan nenekku itu. Pulang aje dr cuti hari tu, aku mula berdoa utknya bersekali dgn doaku utk ibuku setiap kali selesai solat. Dan, baru aje 2 minggu aku mendoakannya, dia pula telah pergi menghadap Ilahi. Rasanya masih tidak puas lagi hatiku ini berdoa utknya…..
SESUNGGUHNYA DARIMU DIA DATANG, DAN KEPADAMU JUA LAH DIA KEMBALI…
Ya Allah wahai Tuhan yg Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang, Kau ampunilah dosa2 yg telah dilakukannya sewaktu hidupnya. Jauhilah dia drp seksaan kubur dan azab api neraka. Tempatkanlah dia di kalangan org2 yg beriman…Amin
Innalillahi wainna ilaihi rajiu’unn… so sorry to hear that…
I’m so sori for your loss,dear… may Allah’s test make you a better & stronger person than you were yesterday…sesungguhnya setiap dugaan ada hikmahnya…may Allah bless ur Granma in the Afterlife…Ameen
Thanks alot for always be with me and supported me…
takziah..aku bace cite ni sampai menitis air mata…aku pom teringat kat arwah nenek aku…i miss her soooo much!!
