At the beginning, I hate psychiatry so much. Since I was in the first year, I don’t really enjoyed the subject. And, it was the same when I was in 4^th year. There were many theories, which were so difficult to understand, and very complicated. Furthermore, there were a lot of terms that are rather confusing. Different lecturer gave different definition and each of them only acknowledged their own definition. It was so distressing and troublesome. On the other hand, as I went through the posting, I realized that in certain aspect it helped me on how to interact with other people, how to deal with problems and how to help other people. So, the level of hatred dropped and became neutral now.

When I need to clerk the patient, I felt so reluctant. I easily get angry and irritable whenever I interviewed them. It rarely happened in other posting but it occurred almost all the time in psychiatry. I knew that it was not supposed to be so, but I couldn’t control it. It was probably because the nature of the patient who was either manipulative, mute, spoke non-stop, talked irrelevantly or gave incoherent answer. Normally it took more than an hour to finish the clerking. It was not only the clerking, the CP also took longer time as compared to other postings. In average, each of the CP took at least 2 hours. Each of the sentences need to be commented and interpreted. Thus the discussion would be dragged on further and longer. In the beginning of the posting, I easily became bored and distracted during the session. And, after 1 hour I tend to get irritated if the discussion was not finish yet. But later, toward the end of the posting, I started to became more interested and participated more during the discussion. Moreover, I was no longer felt irritated even when the session lasted about 3 hours.

To tell the truth, at first I didn’t really like one of the lecturer. It started when I was in 3^rd year where I had a ‘bad’ history with her. Since then, I always had a negative view on her. Furthermore, she like to analyze people. I hate it so much. It felt as if she was reading my mind and scanning my body. So, as much as I could, I tried to avoid her. However, being in the posting, it was very difficult to escape from her, especially when I was a group leader. After attended her classes, talked with her and confronted her, I felt better about her. She was not as bad as I thought. And, she is a good lecturer actually. Therefore, I felt a bit of guilty for bad mouthing her. Now I understand why confrontation is better as compared to avoidance. Currently, I still felt uncomfortable with her way of analyzing people, but I can accept it because it is her way of interacting with other. Besides, it is her right. As long as she is not being judgmental, then it is ok.