It is one of the famous Malay’s idioms that I’ve learned. It carries a deep meaning behind it. It asks us to think carefully before say anything.I have never taken the idiom so seriously until the past few days.

Two years ago, I have said a harsh word to one of my dearest person. I didn’t intend to say so. It was a slip of tongue. I was emotionally unstable during that time. I knew she cares. But I simply did not want to believe it. I was afraid that she is just the same like FMA. Saying okay at first, but abandoned me later. So, I wanted to test her. I wanted to know how she would response after hearing those words. I don’t really remember her answer, but she was quite upset and annoyed.

Two days ago, I met her. I did not remember the incident at all until up to one moment when our conversation led to it. I never knew that those words hurt her so much. When she mentioned about it, I felt so bad. All of sudden, I felt so awkward and uncomfortable. I was so ashamed of myself that I don’t think I have a gut to face her again.

I regret it so much. Sadly, nothing could undo my mistakes. No matter what, I could not turn back the time neither erase those hurtful words from her memory. The only thing that I could do is merely to ask for forgiveness. However, I don’t think it is enough to cover for it. I wish I could at least heal her hurtful feeling… Huhuhu…

Now when I think about it, I could not believe that I said those words to her. How could I say it to her when she was so kind to me? Despite everything she did for me, how could I hurt her feeling? She didn’t do anything wrong. All she did was just care for me. Just because FMA ditched me, it didn’t mean that she would do the same. Argh…, I felt so awful and guilty!!!

p/s: Dear Cikgu RD, I’m sorry… I’m really sorry… I hope you can forgive me…